245.英文正文(245)
“ibetrayedyou,”shesaidbaldly。***
“ibetrayedyou,”hesaid。
shegavehimanotherquicklookofdislike。
“sometimes,”shesaid,“theythreatenyouwithsomethingsomethingyoucan’tstandupto,can’teventhinkabout。andthenyousay,‘don’tdoittome,doittosomebodyelse,doittoso-and-so。’andperhapsyoumightpretend,afterwards,thatitwasonlyatrickandthatyoujustsaidittomakethemstopanddidn’treallymeanit。butthatisn’ttrue。atthetimewhenithappensyoudomeanit。youthinkthere’snootherwayofsavingyourself,andyou’requitereadytosaveyourselfthatway。youwantittohappentotheotherperson。youdon’tgiveadamnwhattheysuffer。allyoucareaboutisyourself。”
“allyoucareaboutisyourself,”heechoed。
“andafterthat,youdon’tfeelthesametowardstheotherpersonanylonger。”
“no,”hesaid,“youdon’tfeelthesame。”
theredidnotseemtobeanythingmoretosay。thewindplasteredtheirthinoverallsagainsttheirbodies。almostatonceitbecameembarrassingtositthereinsilence:besides,itwastoocoldtokeepstill。shesaidsomethingaboutcatchinghertubeandstooduptogo。
“wemustmeetagain,”hesaid。
“yes,”shesaid,“wemustmeetagain。”
hefollowedirresolutelyforalittledistance,halfapacebehindher。theydidnotspeakagain。shedidnotactuallytrytoshakehimoff,butwalkedatjustsuchaspeedastopreventhiskeepingabreastofher。hehadmadeuphismindthathewouldaccompanyherasfarasthetubestation,butsuddenlythisprocessoftrailingalonginthecoldseemedpointlessandunbearable。hewasoverwhelmedbyadesirenotsomuchtogetawayfromjuliaastogetbacktothechestnuttreecafé,whichhadneverseemedsoattractiveasatthismoment。hehadanostalgicvisionofhiscornertable,withthenewspaperandthechessboardandtheever-flowinggin。aboveall,itwouldbewarminthere。thenextmoment,notaltogetherbyaccident,heallowedhimselftobecomeseparatedfromherbyasmallknotofpeople。hemadeahalfheartedattempttocatchup,thensloweddown,turned,andmadeoffintheoppositedirection。whenhehadgonefiftymetreshelookedback。thestreetwasnotcrowded,butalreadyhecouldnotdistinguishher。anyoneofadozenhurryingfiguresmighthavebeenhers。perhapsherthickened,stiffenedbodywasnolongerrecognizablefrombehind。