Chapter 34

THEGRINDOFTHEMILLSTONES—ASAMPLEOFCHAFF

CARRIEPONDEREDOVERthissituationasconsistentlyasHurstwood,onceshegotthefactsadjustedinhermind.Ittookseveraldaysforhertofullyrealizethattheapproachofthedissolutionofherhusband’sbusinessmeantcommonplacestruggleandprivation.HermindwentbacktoherearlyventureinChicago,theHansonsandtheirflat,andherheartrevolted.Thatwasterrible!Everythingaboutpovertywasterrible.Shewishedsheknewawayout.HerrecentexperienceswiththeVanceshadwhollyunfittedhertoviewherownstatewithcomplacence.Theglamourofthehighlifeofthecityhad,inthefewexperiencesaffordedherbytheformer,seizedhercompletely.Shehadbeentaughthowtodressandwheretogowithouthavingamplemeanstodoeither.Now,thesethings-everpresentrealitiesastheywere—filledhereyesandmind.Themorecircumscribedbecameherstate,themoreentrancingseemedthisother.AndnowpovertythreatenedtoseizeherentirelyandtoremovethisotherworldfarupwardlikeaheaventowhichanyLazarusmightextend,appealingly,hishands.

So,too,theidealbroughtintoherlifebyAmesremained.Hehadgone,butherewashiswordthatricheswerenoteverything;thattherewasagreatdealmoreintheworldthansheknew;thatthestagewasgood,andtheliteratureshereadpoor.Hewasa

strongmanandclean—howmuchstrongerandbetterthanHurstwoodandDrouetsheonlyhalfformulatedtoherself,butthedifferencewaspainful.Itwassomethingtowhichshevoluntarilyclosedhereyes.

DuringthelastthreemonthsoftheWarrenStreetconnection,Hurstwoodtookpartsofdaysoffandhunted,trackingthebusinessadvertisements.Itwasamoreorlessdepressingbusiness,whollybecauseofthethoughtthathemustsoongetsomethingorhewouldbegintoliveonthefewhundreddollarshewassaving,andthenhewouldhavenothingtoinvest—hewouldhavetohireoutasaclerk.

Everythinghediscoveredinhislineadvertisedasanopportunity,waseithertooexpensiveortoowretchedforhim.Besides,winterwascoming,thepaperswereannouncinghardships,andtherewasageneralfeelingofhardtimesintheair,or,atleast,hethoughtso.Inhisworry,otherpeople’sworriesbecameapparent.Noitemaboutafirmfailing,afamilystarving,oramandyinguponthestreets,supposedlyofstarvation,butarrestedhiseyeashescannedthemorningpapers.Oncethe“World”cameoutwithaflaringannouncementabout“80,000peopleoutofemploymentinNewYorkthiswinter,”whichstruckasaknifeathisheart.

“Eightythousand!”hethought.“Whatanawfulthingthatis.”

ThiswasnewreasoningforHurstwood.Intheolddaystheworldhadseemedtobegettingalongwellenough.Hehadbeenwonttoseesimilarthingsinthe“DailyNews,”inChicago,buttheydidnotholdhisattention.Now,thesethingswerelikegraycloudshoveringalongthehorizonofaclearday.Theythreatenedtocoverandobscurehislifewithchillygrayness.Hetriedtoshakethemoff,toforgetandbraceup.Sometimeshesaidtohimself,mentally:

“What’stheuseworrying.I’mnotoutyet.I’vegotsixweeksmore.Evenifworstcomestoworst,I’vegotenoughtoliveonforsixmonths.”

Curiously,ashetroubledoverhisfuture,histhoughtsoccasionallyrevertedtohiswifeandfamily.Hehadavoidedsuchthoughtsforthefirstthreeyearsasmuchaspossible.Hehatedher,andhecouldgetalongwithouther.Lethergo.Hewoulddowellenough.Now,however,whenhewasnotdoingwellenough,hebegantowonderwhatshewasdoing,howhischildrenweregettingalong.Hecouldseethemlivingasnicelyasever,occupyingthecomfortablehouseandusinghisproperty.

“ByGeorge!it’sashametheyshouldhaveitall,”hevaguelythoughttohimselfonseveraloccasions.“Ididn’tdoanything.”

Ashelookedbacknowandanalyzedthesituationwhichleduptohistakingthemoney,hebeganmildlytojustifyhimself.Whathadhedone—whatintheworld—thatshouldbarhimoutthiswayandheapsuchdifficultiesuponhim.Itseemedonlyyesterdaytohimsincehewascomfortableandwell-to-do.Butnowitwasallwrestedfromhim.

“Shedidn’tdeservewhatshegotoutofme,thatissure.Ididn’tdosomuch,ifeverybodycouldjustknow.”

Therewasnothoughtthatthefactsoughttobeadvertised.Itwasonlyamentaljustificationhewasseekingfromhimself-somethingthatwouldenablehimtobearhisstateasarighteousman.

Oneafternoon,fiveweeksbeforetheWarrenStreetplaceclosedup,heleftthesaloontovisitthreeorfourplaceshesawadvertisedinthe“Herald.”OnewasdowninGoldStreet,andhevisitedthat,butdidnotenter.Itwassuchacheaplookingplacehefeltthathecouldnotabideit.AnotherwasontheBowery,whichheknewcontainedmanyshowyresorts.ItwasnearGrandStreet,andturnedouttobeveryhandsomelyfittedup.Hetalkedaroundaboutinvestmentsforfullythree-quartersofanhourwiththeproprietor,who

maintainedthathishealthwaspoor,andthatwasthereasonhewishedapartner.

“Well,now,justhowmuchmoneywouldittaketobuyahalfinteresthere.”saidHurstwood,whosawsevenhundreddollarsashislimit.

“Threethousand,”saidtheman.

Hurstwood’sjawfell.

“Cash.”hesaid.

“Cash.”

Hetriedtoputonanairofdeliberation,asonewhomightreallybuy;buthiseyesshowedgloom.Hewoundupbysayinghewouldthinkitover,andcameaway.Themanhehadbeentalkingtosensedhisconditioninavagueway.

“Idon’tthinkhewantstobuy,”hesaidtohimself.“Hedoesn’ttalkright.”

Theafternoonwasasgrayasleadandcold.Itwasblowingupadisagreeablewinterwind.Hevisitedaplacefarupontheeastside,nearSixty-ninthStreet,anditwasfiveo’clock,andgrowingdim,whenhereachedthere.AportlyGermankeptthisplace.

“Howaboutthisadofyours.”askedHurstwood,whoratherobjectedtothelooksoftheplace.

“Oh,datissallover,”saidtheGerman.“Ivillnotsellnow.”

“Oh,isthatso.”

“Yes;dereisnothingtodat.Itissallover.”

“Verywell,”saidHurstwood,turningaround.

TheGermanpaidnomoreattentiontohim,anditmadehimangry.

“Thecrazyass!”hesaidtohimself.“Whatdoeshewanttoadvertisefor.”

Whollydepressed,hestartedforThirteenthStreet.Theflathadonlyalightinthekitchen,whereCarriewasworking.Hestruckamatchand,lightingthegas,satdowninthedining-roomwithoutevengreetingher.Shecametothedoorandlookedin.

“It’syou,isit.”shesaid,andwentback.

“Yes,”hesaid,withoutevenlookingupfromtheeveningpaperhehadbought.

Carriesawthingswerewrongwithhim.Hewasnotsohandsomewhengloomy.Thelinesatthesidesoftheeyesweredeepened.Naturallydarkofskin,gloommadehimlookslightlysinister.Hewasquiteadisagreeablefigure.

Carriesetthetableandbroughtinthemeal.

“Dinner’sready,”shesaid,passinghimforsomething.

Hedidnotanswer,readingon.

Shecameinandsatdownatherplace,feelingexceedinglywretched.

“Won’tyoueatnow.”sheasked.

Hefoldedhispaperanddrewnear,silenceholdingforatime,exceptforthe“Passme’s.”

“It’sbeengloomyto-day,hasn’tit.”venturedCarrie,afteratime.

“Yes,”hesaid.

Heonlypickedathisfood.

“Areyoustillsuretocloseup.”saidCarrie,venturingtotakeupthesubjectwhichtheyhaddiscussedoftenenough.

“Ofcourseweare,”hesaid,withtheslightestmodificationofsharpness.

ThisretortangeredCarrie.Shehadhadadrearydayofitherself.

“Youneedn’ttalklikethat,”shesaid.

“Oh!”heexclaimed,pushingbackfromthetable,asiftosaymore,butlettingitgoatthat.Thenhepickeduphispaper.Carrieleftherseat,containingherselfwithdifficulty.Hesawshewashurt.

“Don’tgo‘way,”hesaid,asshestartedbackintothekitchen.“Eatyourdinner.”

Shepassed,notanswering.

Helookedatthepaperafewmoments,andthenroseupandputonhiscoat.

“I’mgoingdowntown,Carrie,”hesaid,comingout.

“I’moutofsortsto-night.”

Shedidnotanswer.

“Don’tbeangry,”hesaid.“Itwillbeallrighttomorrow.”

Helookedather,butshepaidnoattentiontohim,workingatherdishes.

“Good-bye!”hesaidfinally,andwentout.

Thiswasthefirststrongresultofthesituationbetweenthem,butwiththenearingofthelastdayofthebusinessthegloombecamealmostapermanentthing.Hurstwoodcouldnotconcealhisfeelingsaboutthematter.Carriecouldnothelpwonderingwhereshewasdrifting.Itgotsothattheytalkedevenlessthanusual,andyetitwasnotHurstwoodwhofeltanyobjectiontoCarrie.ItwasCarriewhoshiedawayfromhim.Thishenoticed.Itarousedanobjectiontoherbecomingindifferenttohim.Hemadethepossibilityoffriendlyintercoursealmostagianttask,andthennoticedwithdiscontentthatCarrieaddedtoitbyhermannerandmadeitmoreimpossible.

Atlastthefinaldaycame.Whenitactuallyarrived,Hurstwood,whohadgothismindintosuchastatewhereathunderclapandragingstormwouldhaveseemedhighlyappropriate,wasratherrelievedtofindthatitwasaplain,ordinaryday.Thesunshone,thetemperaturewaspleasant.Hefelt,ashecametothebreakfasttable,thatitwasn’tsoterrible,afterall.

“Well,”hesaidtoCarrie,“to-day’smylastdayonearth.”

Carriesmiledinanswertohishumor.

Hurstwoodglancedoverhispaperrathergaily.Heseemedtohavelostaload.

“I’llgodownforalittlewhile,”hesaidafterbreakfast,“andthenI’lllookaround.To-morrowI’llspendthewholedaylookingabout.IthinkIcangetsomething,nowthisthing’soffmyhands.”

Hewentoutsmilingandvisitedtheplace.Shaughnessywasthere.Theyhadmadeall

arrangementstoshareaccordingtotheirinterests.When,however,hehadbeenthereseveralhours,goneoutthreemore,andreturned,hiselationhaddeparted.Asmuchashehadobjectedtotheplace,nowthatitwasnolongertoexist,hefeltsorry.Hewishedthatthingsweredifferent.

Shaughnessywascoollybusinesslike.

“Well,”hesaidatfiveo’clock,“wemightaswellcountthechangeanddivide.”

Theydidso.Thefixtureshadalreadybeensoldandthesumdivided.

“Good-night,”saidHurstwoodatthefinalmoment,inalastefforttobegenial.

“Solong,”saidShaughnessy,scarcelydeigninganotice.

ThustheWarrenStreetarrangementwaspermanentlyconcluded.

Carriehadpreparedagooddinnerattheflat,butafterhisrideup,Hurstwoodwasinasolemnandreflectivemood.

“Well.”saidCarrie,inquisitively.

“I’moutofthat,”heanswered,takingoffhiscoat.

Asshelookedathim,shewonderedwhathisfinancialstatewasnow.Theyateandtalkedalittle.

“Willyouhaveenoughtobuyinanywhereelse.”askedCarrie.

“No,”hesaid.“I’llhavetogetsomethingelseandsaveup.”

“Itwouldbeniceifyoucouldgetsomeplace,”saidCarrie,promptedbyanxietyandhope.

“IguessIwill,”hesaidreflectively.

Forsomedaysthereafterheputonhisovercoatregularlyinthemorningandsalliedforth.Ontheseventureshefirstconsoledhimselfwiththethoughtthatwiththesevenhundreddollarshehadhecouldstillmakesomeadvantageousarrangement.Hethoughtaboutgoingtosomebrewery,which,asheknew,frequentlycontrolledsaloonswhichtheyleased,

andgetthemtohelphim.Thenherememberedthathewouldhavetopayoutseveralhundredanywayforfixturesandthathewouldhavenothingleftforhismonthlyexpenses.Itwascostinghimnearlyeightydollarsamonthtolive.

“No,”hesaid,inhissanestmoments,“Ican’tdoit.I’llgetsomethingelseandsaveup.”

Thisgetting-somethingpropositioncomplicateditselfthemomenthebegantothinkofwhatitwashewantedtodo.Manageaplace.Whereshouldhegetsuchaposition.Thepaperscontainednorequestsformanagers.Suchpositions,heknewwellenough,wereeithersecuredbylongyearsofserviceorwereboughtwithahalforthirdinterest.Intoaplaceimportantenoughtoneedsuchamanagerhehadnotmoneyenoughtobuy.

Nevertheless,hestartedout.Hisclotheswereverygoodandhisappearancestillexcellent,butitinvolvedthetroubleofdeluding.People,lookingathim,imaginedinstantlythatamanofhisage,stoutandwelldressed,mustbewelloff.Heappearedacomfortableownerofsomething,amanfromwhomthecommonrunofmortalscouldwellexpectgratuities.Beingnowforty-threeyearsofage,andcomfortablybuilt,walkingwasnoteasy.Hehadnotbeenusedtoexerciseformanyyears.Hislegstired,hisshouldersached,andhisfeetpainedhimatthecloseoftheday,evenwhenhetookstreetcarsinalmosteverydirection.Themeregettingupanddown,iflongcontinued,producedthisresult.

Thefactthatpeopletookhimtobebetteroffthanhewas,hewellunderstood.Itwassopainfullycleartohimthatitretardedhissearch.Notthathewishedtobelesswellappearing,butthathewasashamedtobeliehisappearancebyincongruousappeals.Sohehesitated,wonderingwhattodo.

Hethoughtofthehotels,butinstantlyherememberedthathehadhadnoexperienceasaclerk,

and,whatwasmoreimportant,noacquaintancesorfriendsinthatlinetowhomhecouldgo.Hedidknowsomehotelownersinseveralcities,includingNewYork,buttheyknewofhisdealingswithFitzgeraldandMoy.Hecouldnotapplytothem.Hethoughtofotherlinessuggestedbylargebuildingsorbusinesseswhichheknewof—wholesalegroceries,hardware,insuranceconcerns,andthelike—buthehadhadnoexperience.

Howtogoaboutgettinganythingwasabitterthought.Wouldhehavetogopersonallyandask;waitoutsideanofficedoor,and,then,distinguishedandaffluentlooking,announcethathewaslookingforsomethingtodo.Hestrainedpainfullyatthethought.No,hecouldnotdothat.

Hereallystrolledabout,thinking,andthen,theweatherbeingcold,steppedintoahotel.Heknewhotelswellenoughtoknowthatanydecentindividualwaswelcometoachairinthelobby.ThiswasintheBroadwayCentral,whichwasthenoneofthemostimportanthotelsinthecity.Takingachairherewasapainfulthingtohim.Tothinkheshouldcometothis!Hehadheardloungersabouthotelscalledchairwarmers.Hehadcalledthemthathimselfinhisday.Butherehewas,despitethepossibilityofmeetingsomeonewhoknewhim,shieldinghimselffromcoldandthewearinessofthestreetsinahotellobby.

“Ican’tdothisway,”hesaidtohimself.“There’snouseofmystartingoutmorningswithoutfirstthinkingupsomeplacetogo.I’llthinkofsomeplacesandthenlookthemup.”

Itoccurredtohimthatthepositionsofbartendersweresometimesopen,butheputthisoutofhismind.Bartender—he,theex-manager!

Itgrewawfullydullsittinginthehotellobby,andsoatfourhewenthome.Hetriedtoputonabusinessairashewentin,butitwasafeebleimitation.Therockingchairinthediningroomwascomfortable.He

sankintoitgladly,withseveralpapershehadbought,andbegantoread.

Asshewasgoingthroughtheroomtobeginpreparingdinner,Carriesaid:

“Themanwasherefortherentto-day.”

“Oh,washe.”saidHurstwood.

TheleastwrinklecreptintohisbrowasherememberedthatthiswasFebruary2d,thetimethemanalwayscalled.Hefisheddowninhispocketforhispurse,gettingthefirsttasteofpayingoutwhennothingiscomingin.Helookedatthefat,greenrollasasickmanlooksattheonepossiblesavingcure.Thenhecountedofftwenty-eightdollars.

“Hereyouare,”hesaidtoCarrie,whenshecamethroughagain.

Heburiedhimselfinhispapersandread.Oh,therestofit-therelieffromwalkingandthinking!WhatLetheanwaterswerethesefloodsoftelegraphedintelligence!Heforgothistroubles,inpart.Herewasayoung,handsomewoman,ifyoumightbelievethenewspaperdrawing,suingarich,fat,candy-makinghusbandinBrooklynfordivorce.HerewasanotheritemdetailingthewreckingofavesseliniceandsnowoffPrince’sBayonStatenIsland.Along,brightcolumntoldofthedoingsinthetheatricalworld—theplaysproduced,theactorsappearing,themanagersmakingannouncements.FannieDavenportwasjustopeningattheFifthAvenue.Dalywasproducing“KingLear.”HereadoftheearlydeparturefortheseasonofapartycomposedoftheVanderbiltsandtheirfriendsforFlorida.AninterestingshootingaffraywasoninthemountainsofKentucky.Soheread,read,read,rockinginthewarmroomneartheradiatorandwaitingfordinnertobeserved.