Chapter 108

Thewinterpassed.NowandthenPhilipwenttothehospital,slinkinginwhenitwaslateandtherewaslittlechanceofmeetinganyoneheknew,toseewhethertherewerelettersforhim.AtEasterhereceivedonefromhisuncle.Hewassurprisedtohearfromhim,fortheVicarofBlackstablehadneverwrittenhimmorethanhalfadozenlettersinhiswholelife,andtheywereonbusinessmatters.

DearPhilip,

IfyouarethinkingoftakingaholidaysoonandcaretocomedownhereIshallbepleasedtoseeyou.IwasveryillwithmybronchitisinthewinterandDoctorWigramneverexpectedmetopullthrough.IhaveawonderfulconstitutionandImade,thankGod,amarvellousrecovery.

Yoursaffectionately,WilliamCarey.

ThelettermadePhilipangry.Howdidhisunclethinkhewasliving?Hedidnoteventroubletoinquire.Hemighthavestarvedforalltheoldmancared.Butashewalkedhomesomethingstruckhim;hestoppedunderalamp-postandreadtheletteragain;thehandwritinghadnolongerthebusiness-likefirmnesswhichhadcharacterisedit;itwaslargerandwavering:perhapstheillnesshadshakenhimmorethanhewaswillingtoconfess,andhesoughtinthatformalnotetoexpressayearningtoseetheonlyrelationhehadintheworld.PhilipwrotebackthathecouldcomedowntoBlackstableforafortnightinJuly.Theinvitationwasconvenient,forhehadnotknownwhattodo,withhisbriefholiday.TheAthelnyswenthoppinginSeptember,buthecouldnotthenbespared,sinceduringthatmonththeautumnmodelswereprepared.TheruleofLynn’swasthateveryonemusttakeafortnightwhetherhewanteditornot;andduringthattime,ifhehadnowheretogo,theassistantmightsleepinhisroom,buthewasnotallowedfood.AnumberhadnofriendswithinreasonabledistanceofLondon,andtothesetheholidaywasanawkwardintervalwhentheyhadtoprovidefoodoutoftheirsmallwagesand,withthewholedayontheirhands,hadnothingtospend.PhiliphadnotbeenoutofLondonsincehisvisittoBrightonwithMildred,nowtwoyearsbefore,andhelongedforfreshairandthesilenceofthesea.Hethoughtofitwithsuchapassionatedesire,allthroughMayandJune,that,whenatlengththetimecameforhimtogo,hewaslistless.

Onhislastevening,whenhetalkedwiththebuyerofoneortwojobshehadtoleaveover,Mr.Sampsonsuddenlysaidtohim:

“Whatwageshaveyoubeengetting?”

“Sixshillings.”

“Idon’tthinkit’senough.I’llseethatyou’reputuptotwelvewhenyoucomeback.”

“Thankyouverymuch,”smiledPhilip.“I’mbeginningtowantsomenewclothesbadly.”

“Ifyousticktoyourworkanddon’tgolarkingaboutwiththegirlslikewhatsomeofthemdo,I’lllookafteryou,Carey.Mindyou,you’vegotalottolearn,butyou’repromising,I’llsaythatforyou,you’repromising,andI’llseethatyougetapoundaweekassoonasyoudeserveit.”

Philipwonderedhowlonghewouldhavetowaitforthat.Twoyears?

Hewasstartledatthechangeinhisuncle.Whenlasthehadseenhimhewasastoutman,whoheldhimselfupright,clean-shaven,witharound,sensualface;buthehadfalleninstrangely,hisskinwasyellow;thereweregreatbagsundertheeyes,andhewasbentandold.Hehadgrownabeardduringhislastillness,andhewalkedveryslowly.

“I’mnotatmybesttoday,”hesaidwhenPhilip,havingjustarrived,wassittingwithhiminthedining-room.“Theheatupsetsme.”

Philip,askingaftertheaffairsoftheparish,lookedathimandwonderedhowmuchlongerhecouldlast.Ahotsummerwouldfinishhim;Philipnoticedhowthinhishandswere;theytrembled.ItmeantsomuchtoPhilip.Ifhediedthatsummerhecouldgobacktothehospitalatthebeginningofthewintersession;hisheartleapedatthethoughtofreturningnomoretoLynn’s.AtdinnertheVicarsathumpeduponhischair,andthehousekeeperwhohadbeenwithhimsincehiswife’sdeathsaid:

“ShallMr.Philipcarve,sir?”

Theoldman,whohadbeenabouttodosofromdisinclinationtoconfesshisweakness,seemedgladatthefirstsuggestiontorelinquishtheattempt.

“You’vegotaverygoodappetite,”saidPhilip.

“Ohyes,Ialwayseatwell.ButI’mthinnerthanwhenyouwereherelast.I’mgladtobethinner,Ididn’tlikebeingsofat.Dr.WigramthinksI’mallthebetterforbeingthinnerthanIwas.”

Whendinnerwasoverthehousekeeperbroughthimsomemedicine.

“ShowtheprescriptiontoMasterPhilip,”hesaid.“He’sadoctortoo.I’dlikehimtoseethathethinksit’sallright.ItoldDr.Wigramthatnowyou’restudyingtobeadoctorheoughttomakeareductioninhischarges.It’sdreadfulthebillsI’vehadtopay.Hecameeverydayfortwomonths,andhechargesfiveshillingsavisit.It’salotofmoney,isn’tit?Hecomestwiceaweekstill.I’mgoingtotellhimheneedn’tcomeanymore.I’llsendforhimifIwanthim.”

HelookedatPhilipeagerlywhilehereadtheprescriptions.Theywerenarcotics.Thereweretwoofthem,andonewasamedicinewhichtheVicarexplainedhewastouseonlyifhisneuritisgrewunendurable.

“I’mverycareful,”hesaid.“Idon’twanttogetintotheopiumhabit.”

Hedidnotmentionhisnephew’saffairs.Philipfanciedthatitwasbywayofprecaution,incaseheaskedformoney,thathisunclekeptdwellingonthefinancialcallsuponhim.Hehadspentsomuchonthedoctorandsomuchmoreonthechemist,whilehewasilltheyhadhadtohaveafireeverydayinhisbed-room,andnowonSundayheneededacarriagetogotochurchintheeveningaswellasinthemorning.Philipfeltangrilyinclinedtosayheneednotbeafraid,hewasnotgoingtoborrowfromhim,butheheldhistongue.Itseemedtohimthateverythinghadlefttheoldmannowbuttwothings,pleasureinhisfoodandagraspingdesireformoney.Itwasahideousoldage.

IntheafternoonDr.Wigramcame,andafterthevisitPhilipwalkedwithhimtothegardengate.

“Howd’youthinkheis?”saidPhilip.

Dr.Wigramwasmoreanxiousnottodowrongthantodoright,andheneverhazardedadefiniteopinionifhecouldhelpit.HehadpractisedatBlackstableforfive-and-thirtyyears.Hehadthereputationofbeingverysafe,andmanyofhispatientsthoughtitmuchbetterthatadoctorshouldbesafethanclever.TherewasanewmanatBlackstable—hehadbeensettledtherefortenyears,buttheystilllookeduponhimasaninterloper—andhewassaidtobeveryclever;buthehadnotmuchpracticeamongthebetterpeople,becausenoonereallyknewanythingabouthim.

“Oh,he’saswellascanbeexpected,”saidDr.WigraminanswertoPhilip’sinquiry.

“Hashegotanythingseriouslythematterwithhim?”

“Well,Philip,youruncleisnolongerayoungman,”saidthedoctorwithacautiouslittlesmile,whichsuggestedthatafteralltheVicarofBlackstablewasnotanoldmaneither.

“Heseemstothinkhisheart’sinabadway.”

“I’mnotsatisfiedwithhisheart,”hazardedthedoctor,“Ithinkheshouldbecareful,verycareful.”

OnthetipofPhilip’stonguewasthequestion:howmuchlongercanhelive?Hewasafraiditwouldshock.Inthesemattersaperiphrasewasdemandedbythedecorumoflife,but,asheaskedanotherquestioninstead,itflashedthroughhimthatthedoctormustbeaccustomedtotheimpatienceofasickman’srelatives.Hemustseethroughtheirsympatheticexpressions.Philip,withafaintsmileathisownhypocrisy,castdownhiseyes.

“Isupposehe’sinnoimmediatedanger?”

Thiswasthekindofquestionthedoctorhated.Ifyousaidapatientcouldn’tliveanothermonththefamilyprepareditselfforabereavement,andifthenthepatientlivedontheyvisitedthemedicalattendantwiththeresentmenttheyfeltathavingtormentedthemselvesbeforeitwasnecessary.Ontheotherhand,ifyousaidthepatientmightliveayearandhediedinaweekthefamilysaidyoudidnotknowyourbusiness.Theythoughtofalltheaffectiontheywouldhavelavishedonthedefunctiftheyhadknowntheendwassonear.Dr.Wigrammadethegestureofwashinghishands.

“Idon’tthinkthere’sanygraverisksolongashe—remainsasheis,”heventuredatlast.“Butontheotherhand,wemustn’tforgetthathe’snolongerayoungman,andwell,themachineiswearingout.IfhegetsoverthehotweatherIdon’tseewhyheshouldn’tgetonverycomfortablytillthewinter,andthenifthewinterdoesnotbotherhimtoomuch,well,Idon’tseewhyanythingshouldhappen.”

Philipwentbacktothedining-roomwherehisunclewassitting.Withhisskull-capandacrochetshawloverhisshouldershelookedgrotesque.Hiseyeshadbeenfixedonthedoor,andtheyrestedonPhilip’sfaceasheentered.Philipsawthathisunclehadbeenwaitinganxiouslyforhisreturn.

“Well,whatdidhesayaboutme?”

Philipunderstoodsuddenlythattheoldmanwasfrightenedofdying.ItmadePhilipalittleashamed,sothathelookedawayinvoluntarily.Hewasalwaysembarrassedbytheweaknessofhumannature.

“Hesayshethinksyou’remuchbetter,”saidPhilip.

Agleamofdelightcameintohisuncle’seyes.

“I’vegotawonderfulconstitution,”hesaid.“Whatelsedidhesay?”headdedsuspiciously.

Philipsmiled.

“Hesaidthatifyoutakecareofyourselfthere’snoreasonwhyyoushouldn’tlivetobeahundred.”

“Idon’tknowthatIcanexpecttodothat,butIdon’tseewhyIshouldn’tseeeighty.Mymotherlivedtillshewaseighty-four.”

TherewasalittletablebythesideofMr.Carey’schair,andonitwereaBibleandthelargevolumeoftheCommonPrayerfromwhichforsomanyyearshehadbeenaccustomedtoreadtohishousehold.HestretchedoutnowhisshakinghandandtookhisBible.

“Thoseoldpatriarchslivedtoajollygoodoldage,didn’tthey?”hesaid,withaqueerlittlelaughinwhichPhilipreadasortoftimidappeal.

Theoldmanclungtolife.Yethebelievedimplicitlyallthathisreligiontaughthim.Hehadnodoubtintheimmortalityofthesoul,andhefeltthathehadconductedhimselfwellenough,accordingtohiscapacities,tomakeitverylikelythathewouldgotoheaven.Inhislongcareertohowmanydyingpersonsmusthehaveadministeredtheconsolationsofreligion!Perhapshewaslikethedoctorwhocouldgetnobenefitfromhisownprescriptions.Philipwaspuzzledandshockedbythateagercleavingtotheearth.Hewonderedwhatnamelesshorrorwasatthebackoftheoldman’smind.Hewouldhavelikedtoprobeintohissoulsothathemightseeinitsnakednessthedreadfuldismayoftheunknownwhichhesuspected.

ThefortnightpassedquicklyandPhilipreturnedtoLondon.HepassedaswelteringAugustbehindhisscreeninthecostumesdepartment,drawinginhisshirtsleeves.Theassistantsinrelayswentfortheirholidays.IntheeveningPhilipgenerallywentintoHydeParkandlistenedtotheband.Growingmoreaccustomedtohisworkittiredhimless,andhismind,recoveringfromitslongstagnation,soughtforfreshactivity.Hiswholedesirenowwassetonhisuncle’sdeath.Hekeptondreamingthesamedream:atelegramwashandedtohimonemorning,early,whichannouncedtheVicar’ssuddendemise,andfreedomwasinhisgrasp.Whenheawokeandfounditwasnothingbutadreamhewasfilledwithsombrerage.Heoccupiedhimself,nowthattheeventseemedlikelytohappenatanytime,withelaborateplansforthefuture.InthesehepassedrapidlyovertheyearwhichhemustspendbeforeitwaspossibleforhimtobequalifiedanddweltonthejourneytoSpainonwhichhisheartwasset.Hereadbooksaboutthatcountry,whichheborrowedfromthefreelibrary,andalreadyheknewfromphotographsexactlywhateachcitylookedlike.HesawhimselflingeringinCordovaonthebridgethatspannedtheGaudalquivir;hewanderedthroughtortuousstreetsinToledoandsatinchurcheswherehewrungfromElGrecothesecretwhichhefeltthemysteriouspainterheldforhim.Athelnyenteredintohishumour,andonSundayafternoonstheymadeoutelaborateitinerariessothatPhilipshouldmissnothingthatwasnoteworthy.TocheathisimpatiencePhilipbegantoteachhimselfSpanish,andinthedesertedsitting-roominHarringtonStreethespentanhoureveryeveningdoingSpanishexercisesand

puzzlingoutwithanEnglishtranslationbyhissidethemagnificentphrasesofDonQuixote.Athelnygavehimalessononceaweek,andPhiliplearnedafewsentencestohelphimonhisjourney.Mrs.Athelnylaughedatthem.

“YoutwoandyourSpanish!”shesaid.“Whydon’tyoudosomethinguseful?”

ButSally,whowasgrowingupandwastoputupherhairatChristmas,stoodbysometimesandlistenedinhergravewaywhileherfatherandPhilipexchangedremarksinalanguageshedidnotunderstand.Shethoughtherfatherthemostwonderfulmanwhohadeverexisted,andsheexpressedheropinionofPhiliponlythroughherfather’scommendations.

“FatherthinksararelotofyourUnclePhilip,”sheremarkedtoherbrothersandsisters.

Thorpe,theeldestboy,wasoldenoughtogoontheArethusa,andAthelnyregaledhisfamilywithmagnificentdescriptionsoftheappearancetheladwouldmakewhenhecamebackinuniformforhisholidays.AssoonasSallywasseventeenshewastobeapprenticedtoadressmaker.Athelnyinhisrhetoricalwaytalkedofthebirds,strongenoughtoflynow,whowereleavingtheparentalnest,andwithtearsinhiseyestoldthemthatthenestwouldbetherestillifevertheywishedtoreturntoit.Ashakedownandadinnerwouldalwaysbetheirs,andtheheartofafatherwouldneverbeclosedtothetroublesofhischildren.

“Youdotalk,Athelny,”saidhiswife.“Idon’tknowwhattroublethey’relikelytogetintosolongasthey’resteady.Solongasyou’rehonestandnotafraidofworkyou’llneverbeoutofajob,that’swhatIthink,andIcantellyouIshan’tbesorrywhenIseethelastofthemearningtheirownliving.”

Child-bearing,hardwork,andconstantanxietywerebeginningtotellonMrs.Athelny;andsometimesherbackachedintheeveningsothatshehadtositdown

andrestherself.Heridealofhappinesswastohaveagirltodotheroughworksothatsheneednotherselfgetupbeforeseven.Athelnywavedhisbeautifulwhitehand.

“Ah,myBetty,we’vedeservedwellofthestate,youandI.We’verearedninehealthychildren,andtheboysshallservetheirking;thegirlsshallcookandsewandintheirturnbreedhealthychildren.”HeturnedtoSally,andtocomfortherfortheanti-climaxofthecontrastaddedgrandiloquently:“Theyalsoservewhoonlystandandwait.”

Athelnyhadlatelyaddedsocialismtotheothercontradictorytheorieshevehementlybelievedin,andhestatednow:

“Inasocialiststateweshouldberichlypensioned,youandI,Betty.”

“Oh,don’ttalktomeaboutyoursocialists,I’vegotnopatiencewiththem,”shecried.“Itonlymeansthatanotherlotoflazyloaferswillmakeagoodthingoutoftheworkingclasses.Mymottois,leavemealone;Idon’twantanyoneinterferingwithme;I’llmakethebestofabadjob,andthedeviltakethehindmost.”

“D’youcalllifeabadjob?”saidAthelny.“Never!We’vehadourupsanddowns,we’vehadourstruggles,we’vealwaysbeenpoor,butit’sbeenworthit,ay,worthitahundredtimesIsaywhenIlookroundatmychildren.”

“Youdotalk,Athelny,”shesaid,lookingathim,notwithangerbutwithscornfulcalm.“You’vehadthepleasantpartofthechildren,I’vehadthebearingofthem,andthebearingwiththem.Idon’tsaythatI’mnotfondofthem,nowthey’rethere,butifIhadmytimeoveragainI’dremainsingle.Why,ifI’dremainedsingleImighthavealittleshopbynow,andfourorfivehundredpoundsinthebank,andagirltodotheroughwork.Oh,Iwouldn’tgoovermylifeagain,notforsomething.”

Philipthoughtofthecountlessmillionstowhomlifeisnomorethanunendinglabour,neitherbeautifulnorugly,butjusttobeacceptedinthesamespiritasoneacceptsthechangesoftheseasons.Furyseizedhimbecauseitallseemeduseless.Hecouldnotreconcilehimselftothebeliefthatlifehadnomeaningandyeteverythinghesaw,allhisthoughts,addedtotheforceofhisconviction.Butthoughfuryseizedhimitwasajoyfulfury.Lifewasnotsohorribleifitwasmeaningless,andhefaceditwithastrangesenseofpower.